Touched

I've wondered so many times through the week just how God might be calling me, what he's calling me to. As much as I try to redirect my attention, focus on other things in my life, adoption and children in the world around me keep stealing my thoughts. Reading, studying, watching, wanting...

As much as I try to divert myself to see if this is just a passing fancy or some 'dream' from my self-diagnosed post traumatic stress disorder...I just can't seem to shake it. Church last week seemed to reaffirm what I felt I already knew. I was so touched by a sermon, so moved by a hymn, I lost control. I couldn't stop the tears that flowed. As much as I tried (for fear of embarassment partly....I'm a 'strong' person, I don't show emotion if I can help it), I just couldn't make them stop. I cried like a baby. I felt God touching my heart, tugging at it in a way. Our sermon was on dreams. Not necessarily our dreams, but the dreams God has for us and what He is calling us to and how we need to listen and follow. Listen closely, follow without doubt. People will ridicule, smirk, try to cause you to doubt, or even doubt you themselves. Yet, we are called to follow. If He brings you to it, He will see you through it. Dream bigger than ourselves, let go and let God. Where He leads me I will follow... (you know the song). Even if the path seems like one we wouldn't take, or it is filled with hardship and pain or more work and disappointment than we think we can bear it's a road that He has chosen to bring us to the other side. The story was of Joseph's dream in Genesis 37:1-11. God was leading him to great things. Even though the road was long and he suffered, in the end he was made ruler of Egypt.

All these things seems to symbolize the thoughts I've had over the last month or two, especially the last few weeks. Having a dream, having others scoff, or some tell me I've 'lost it'. lol (which doesn't bother me in the least) ;o) Some telling me how wonderful and joyous to feel that calling, or just how rewarding it has been for their family. The thoughts of how long the journey will be, the waiting, the disappointment, lost hope, prayer, and a happy ending of a bigger family.

I don't know the steps that lie ahead, or the obstacles I may encounter, or even when I can expect answers to prayers. All I know is a feeling that has touched my heart in a way that can't be explained, and each day I wait, I work, I go where He leads me. Maybe it's more than my dream, maybe it's His dream for me. (The part I find really 'odd', funny in a sense.... being drawn to a country and a people I never expected. A place I've never been, nor seen, nor even dreamed about... but it keeps drawing my attention.)

I'm anxious to see what tomorrow brings.

"Behold, children are a gift of the Lord...

How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them"

Psalm 127:3, 5