Ooops...

It's been a while since I posted. Don't worry, I'm still crazy over adoption and haven't given up in the least! :) I was pleasantly surprised to find a 'new' follower on my blog and that something I posted might have been help to someone out there in the world. Adoption resources and grants. Wow... all that research might not be for me at this time. Maybe part of my plight to help orphans in the world is helping more than just the one I seek to make a part of my family.

I had a tiny episode last week that landed me in the hospital overnight. Vertigo can be a wicked thing! Talk about dizzy! Oh well, all is well now and I have to share the funny of my trip to the ER. Vertigo made me EXTREMELY dizzy and with other related symptoms my hubby was afraid I was having a stroke. So he toted me in to see the doctors who diagnosed me with simply vertigo, gave me some fun little drugs in my IV and let me sleep at the not-so-Hilton hospitality room 125. After getting my little dose of Valum I started talking to my hubby sitting at my side. About how we needed more babies and children in our family. Telling him I knew he didn't like to talk about it but it weighs so heavy on my heart. I remember him actually smirking and laughing somewhat and telling me they ordered truth serum rather than valum. lol :) He probably heard more than he wanted that night. I honestly can't remember it all. I do remember telling him that I knew he didn't like talking about it but it means so much to me. I told him I ask God to take it away. He thought I meant the headaches and dizziness because he said, "Me too, I ask Him the same thing." And I remember explaining to him, it wasn't that which I was asking God to take from me. I told him I ask God if He didn't want me to have more children in our home and our family, if he didn't intend for me to adopt to please take the thoughts from my heart and my mind so they don't haunt me constantly. And guess what? He didn't take them away, they are still there, stronger everyday. Yearning, searching, hoping.

I also remember, that was the end of that discussion. ;) lol

A few days later I'm feeling overwhelmed and having a bad day. I feel so lost and upset and begin to tell myself maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe my thoughts of wanting a child to adopt are purely self serving and I have been praying for something for myself and not for really the right reasons. For a split second (in a frenzy of tears) I give up. I let go. I resign myself to the fact that there are no more children in my future, that my dreams of helping orphans and making a permanent home for another child or children is gone.

Then I read a post. How I was lead to that post I don't remember..... how it came to the top of the scrolling screen is a mystery. But there it was. Here it is. And my mind and my faith are restored. Then I find a new follower, I'm helping others to help these children of God too. I encourage you to read the post. Maybe it will change your mind about adoption as well. Maybe it will lead you and your spouse, your family to become a forever family for one of God's orphans.

In the mean time, I'm waiting. Waiting on His will and His timing. Eagerly serving Him.